[00:00:00] James: Welcome to episode 201 of the Bandhive Podcast. It is time for another episode of the Bandhive Podcast. My name is James Cross and I help independent artists. tour smart. This week on the show, we're talking about an incredibly important topic, not just for musicians or artists or creatives of any variety, everyone in the world, because either maybe you are affected by this, or you know someone who is affected by this.

[00:00:27] James: It's the victim mentality. And it is an incredibly deep problem. I can only begin to scratch the surface here. Before I jump into this, I want to say I am not a mental health professional. And if you need therapy, please seek out the right resources. Now I'm happy to talk with listeners.

[00:00:45] James: If you need to chat about something and you just want to see how your mindset is about your band, about your music, please feel free to email me, james at bandhive. rocks. But that said, I am not a therapist. I am not trained to handle [00:01:00] anyone in crisis. So if you are in crisis, please go to the correct resources immediately.

[00:01:05] James: That said, jumping into this episode, let's get a little bit of an understanding about what victim mentality is. Before we tear it apart and talk about ways that you can overcome this, if you have this mindset or you can help others overcome this, if you know someone, which you probably do who has this mentality.

[00:01:25] James: When it comes to victim mentality, there's three core kind of beliefs that people with this mentality have. The first is I can't change what happens, so there's no point in trying. The second is Bad things are not my fault. It's somebody else's fault. Or the third being bad things just happen to me no matter what.

[00:01:43] James: Now these three things as well as everything else that comes with victim mentality are not a trait. This is something that is a learned behavior because most likely it was subconscious but you were taught to be like this or the person you're thinking of was taught to be like this and i know we all have [00:02:00] that friend on facebook who just complains and it's almost always like something little and i'm not saying that people shouldn't complain about the big things in their life or shouldn't tell people about these but who Everything seems to go wrong all the time, like every week there's a new post about something going horribly wrong, and why it's not their fault, and how the world is unfair.

[00:02:20] James: That is a very good indicator that that person probably has victim mentality. And I'm not gonna name names on this, at all. That would not be right. I'm not going to call anyone out for this. I do have to say that this episode was inspired by one person on TikTok. And, I've seen hundreds of comments from people like this, who, they are so ingrained in that the music industry, the big bad record labels are trying to keep them down, Spotify is trying to keep them down, that they refuse to believe how the industry actually works.

[00:02:49] James: This came up on a video about Spotify royalties and why people should be willing to pay more for music, because music is so incredibly undervalued. And this person was saying, no, Spotify just needs to double their [00:03:00] rates, and that People shouldn't have to pay more for music because the CEO of Spotify gets paid so much and the issue here is this was on A video where I explained why Spotify can't double their rates without increasing pricing because it's a set 70 percent of revenue we went into this In detail, back on episode 195, Spotify Royalties Myth vs Reality, to talk about this, and this was a clip from that exact episode that this person was commenting on and arguing.

[00:03:27] James: It seemed like they just didn't want to learn about this, because if they learned about it and actually understood it, then Spotify Would not be the big bad wolf anymore and don't get me wrong I say this all the time including on that very episode I hope that spotify will start paying out more but the path to that is to increase prices Because it's not possible for them to just double the percentage that they pay out because then it would be 140 percent of revenue Which is not feasible in any way for any business because that's more money than they are bringing in That's never going to happen.

[00:03:59] James: But [00:04:00] doubling the prices of Spotify for paid users, getting rid of the ad supported plan, the free plan, that's all stuff we can do. And we, as an industry, need to make people understand that music has a value. People are very quick to jump on Spotify and say, yes, they should double things.

[00:04:17] James: People who aren't musicians, they don't know. They just hear, oh, my favorite band is being underpaid. I want Spotify to pay more. I'm all for that. But the path to that is increasing pricing. And this person just didn't want to hear that. Quickly, I realized it's the victim mentality. They most likely, and this is pure speculation, they most likely are feeling unfulfilled in their music career if they have one, but they want to paint Spotify as the big bad wolf that's keeping them down.

[00:04:44] James: And if they allow that connection to be made that it's actually not Spotify necessarily that is the problem here, they have to recognize that. Maybe it is actually my fault. My career is not going anywhere. That all aside, I'm not going to talk about this anymore. If you want to hear that episode, [00:05:00] you can check it out at bandhive.

[00:05:01] James: rocks slash 195 to learn all about Spotify royalties because that's not what this episode is about. I'm just sharing a little bit about the inspiration behind this episode because a lot of times I'll see comments like that from musicians on TikTok and in a way it's kind of heartbreaking to see these people who are clearly so hurt.

[00:05:18] James: Because something is going on in their life, and They could be doing a lot better in their life if they recognize that they have some control over the outcome of their projects They have some control over the outcome of their life.

[00:05:31] James: It is a huge issue and that's what I'm going to talk about victim mentality today. So first of all How is it developed? Well, there are different possible causes. It could be how they were raised, it could be that they've failed at many things they've done, it's a repeated issue, or it could even be past trauma.

[00:05:49] James: And again, I'm not a mental health expert, so I'm not going to dig into these things. I'm more going to dig into how to recognize it and what you can do to get around it [00:06:00] or to overcome it. Now there are some signs that you can recognize in musicians aside from you know The Facebook friend who just whines all the time about little things and seems like a woe is me Kind of person on Facebook if an artist a musician is constantly blaming External factors that they aren't successful in their career.

[00:06:18] James: That might be a sign of a victim mentality if they are saying Oh, you know if I just was able to afford X, Y, Z guitar amp, we would be famous. Think about that.

[00:06:28] James: How is that guitar amp going to make you famous? that guitar amp is not what makes anyone famous. What you put into that guitar amp, the music you create, is not everything, but a large part of what has the potential to get you where you want to go. You need to have good music. And yeah, that involves having acceptable gear.

[00:06:49] James: But it's not the gear that's going to make you famous. It's going to be your music, how you treat people, how you work with people, and really just not being miserable to be around. And if you have this woe is me [00:07:00] attitude, people aren't going to want to be around you because it's not fun. The next thing is a reluctance to take responsibility.

[00:07:06] James: So if a band says, we can't do this ourselves, we're not going to be responsible for our band, we need somebody else to do this for us. Or, hey, this wasn't our fault because our manager screwed it up. Well, you should be looking over your manager's shoulder. You should realistically have an understanding of your business so that you can do it yourself.

[00:07:25] James: And then if something goes wrong, own up to that. Because if you don't, people are going to quickly understand and learn that your band has issues and they're not going to want to work with you. Whatever the problem is. If you're constantly making excuses, Oh, we were late because of XYZ, or Oh, we had to cancel this show because we didn't realize that one of us is going to be out of the country.

[00:07:46] James: this is the kind of stuff that you know in advance. Take responsibility and say, Hey, we messed up and that's why we were late. Hey, we messed up and that's why we had to cancel this show. I was late for a class twice in my life. [00:08:00] The first time, This I'm still mind boggled like a decade later that this happened.

[00:08:04] James: I woke up and thought I was dreaming, walked across the room, shut off my alarm, got back in bed, and woke up five minutes before class. I ran out that door, got to class, I was about 15 minutes late because I lived like 15 minutes from school. I opened the door, walked in, this was a small class so the professor knew there was like six of us in the class.

[00:08:22] James: I walked in and said, sorry I'm late, totally my fault. I apologize. And I sat down. The teacher didn't even mark me as late. professor knew me, he knew I was always early to class, and I took accountability for that. And he understood that I didn't try to say, Oh, my alarm didn't go off because I mean it did I just literally thought I was dreaming and I made sure that never happened again because I always set two alarms for my 8 a.

[00:08:45] James: m. Classes after that the second time I Had a class in a different building that I had to walk to and I just was talking to a friend and The time got away from me and all of a sudden I realized I'm late I walked in like two minutes after the class had started, and I said to the professor, I'm so sorry I'm [00:09:00] late.

[00:09:00] James: I got carried away talking to a friend that's totally on me. And again, she was fine with it. The professor didn't mark me as late or anything. Because I took accountability. I said, this is on me. I gave the reason, and accepted responsibility. And if you take responsibility by making sure that you can run your own band, And if you do have somebody else running your band, holding them accountable as well, but recognizing that ultimately the buck stops with you, that's taking responsibility.

[00:09:25] James: Another sign of victim mentality is feeling powerless or out of control. So for example, when things go wrong saying, well, we can't do anything with this, We'll just roll with the punches, whatever. And you know, sometimes you have to roll with the punches, but trying to find alternate methods of getting through a situation is what you want to do.

[00:09:45] James: And maybe there are alternate methods, maybe there aren't, but at least trying is how you can get through this. without having victim mentality, whether you have it or not, you can show those signs or you can do everything in your power to get out of it. So one [00:10:00] example I like to say here is, Hey, we need to catch our big break or we'll never make it.

[00:10:03] James: Well, what can you do to get to that big break? Playing the same small bar every single week for years isn't going to get you that big break. Why are you trying to do the same thing over and over again? But you can get noticed by making friends with the right people. And it's not as difficult as you think.

[00:10:18] James: The music industry is incredibly small. So actively work towards your goals rather than saying, we just need somebody to find us and we can't do anything about that. Or in general, a negative, pessimistic outlook. On your music career, which goes back to the people who always complain, while never admitting that they have control, at least to some extent, over their own life.

[00:10:38] James: I'll be the first to admit, I've had a good life, but it's not been a perfect life. When things go sideways though, I do everything in my power to turn things around. Because I understand that. If I just give up, nothing's going to go my way. If I go out there and do my best to make a bad situation better, a lot of times it ends up with a better outcome than I had ever [00:11:00] expected.

[00:11:00] James: And that's why a victim mentality is so incredibly harmful to the people who have that mentality and the people around them. Now, let me ask, do any of these signs sound familiar? Because We've all had moments like this, but if you have multiple of these signs, maybe you're the person with victim mentality, or maybe you're recognizing that one of your bandmates or one of your close friends has this.

[00:11:22] James: Now it's time to talk about escaping the victim mentality. the first important aspect of this is just being self aware about it. You need to recognize and admit to yourself hey, this might be me, or you need to gently broach the subject with a friend. So they can understand that this could be them.

[00:11:41] James: Now, once you've done this, some of the things that can really help are journaling or talking to a friend. So if you're already talking to a friend about this, because you think they might have this issue, that's great. don't be pushy. Don't insult them. Be gentle, be there for them and give them that.

[00:11:55] James: If it's yourself, find a trusted friend that you can talk to. Use that [00:12:00] journal. These are all things that can help you understand how you're feeling and why you're feeling that way. The next thing, we're going back to taking responsibility. Own your actions. Let people know about the mistakes you've made.

[00:12:13] James: But also understand the successes that you've had. So if you're in a band say, Hey, we opened for X, Y, Z big band. That was the coolest thing ever. We got there by doing one, two, and three. So clearly if we do the work, things will happen. So we need to keep doing the work and also understand that. Yeah. You know what?

[00:12:32] James: Not everything's in your control. There will always be things. Outside of your control, but your reaction is within your control. I actually have a story about this About a year ago. I worked a show with the band and they were incredibly late So I made the call to set up the house drum kit for them because they were so late We weren't gonna have time to soundcheck.

[00:12:51] James: We weren't sure what time they were even gonna be there this was like 50 plus minutes late. So we set this up And the drummer walked in and we said, Hey, we set up the house kit for [00:13:00] you because you guys were so late. He just about lost it and was in a bad mood the rest of the night. And he was not taking responsibility for the fact that they were late.

[00:13:08] James: this has happened more than once unfortunately, it happens in the music business. Bands are late. Just a couple weeks ago, a band had the same thing happen. They wanted to use their kit and I said, look, we had to set up the house kit. I'm really sorry. You guys were, I think in this case an hour and a half or almost two hours late.

[00:13:22] James: The band came up to me after the show and apologized for being late and said, Hey, we're so sorry. Like, we just didn't see that part of the email. Thank you for everything you did. It's like, yeah, of course this band showed grace. They said, Hey, that was on us. we got the email, we just didn't read it properly.

[00:13:37] James: Thank you for helping us out. Sorry we were late rather than having a hissy fit because they didn't get to set up their drums. It really comes down to having the emotional capacity to control your reaction and handle any situation with grace. I know that's a very difficult thing, but it's something that you need to have in the music business because when things go wrong, you need to recognize [00:14:00] what part you played in that, if any, and you need to own that action.

[00:14:04] James: You need to own that mistake. Otherwise, people are not going to want to work with you. At that same show, two of the three bands were talking about another band who's unpleasant to work with. A band that I've mentioned on this podcast before. I didn't name names, but I've mentioned them and they're not welcome back at the venue.

[00:14:19] James: And these bands had similar bad experiences with that same band at other shows. You know it's bad if multiple different bands are talking about bad experiences they had with you at other shows. That is not how to get your name out there. People want to play with bands who are fun to be around, not bands that make it a nightmare to play with.

[00:14:41] James: This is why you have to be so incredibly careful and own your mistakes. First of all, try not to make mistakes in the first place. Try not to make harmful actions. But if you do, own it. Apologize for it. It's so incredibly important the next thing you can do to overcome victim mentality is Talking to your mentors your peers or professionals if you need it Don't [00:15:00] be afraid to seek out therapy or counseling if you need it.

[00:15:03] James: It is so incredibly important I highly recommend it if you need it, please go seek that professional help after that comes setting realistic expectations Everyone knows that the music industry is challenging and we need to celebrate the small victories because if we don't, if we just set these incredibly high goals or expectations like, hey, we want to headline Coachella.

[00:15:24] James: that's not going to happen. Do you know how many people get to headline Coachella? Like, three a year. Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Three bands per year. Coachella's been around for what, about 30 years? And it's not always been a three day festival. But let's say it was, and there's no repeats. That's 90 bands out of the thousands, probably hundreds of thousands of bands.

[00:15:45] James: 90 have headlined Coachella, roughly. So setting realistic goals means starting small, setting specific and measurable goals. Goals that are within your grasp that are attainable, achievable. They have to be realistic, and [00:16:00] you want a timeframe on them. So for example, saying, Hey, we want to play 10 out-of-state shows within the next 12 months.

[00:16:08] James: That's a smart goal because you can totally pull that off unless like if you live in the middle of Texas or something, maybe that's a little tough, but if you live in the Northeast or California, west coast, anything like that, You can play 10 out of state shows with just a little bit of work now You don't want to say we want to bring a hundred people to each of those shows because that's probably not going to happen Especially when you're just starting out You can do as much marketing as you want and people might show up.

[00:16:32] James: They might not But if you recognize that the number of attendees is beyond your control You showing up is 100 percent within your control unless there's, you know, tornado, hurricane, flood, whatever it is. Point being, set realistic expectations and goals that you know you can meet.

[00:16:52] James: And if you happen to not quite make it to one of those goals or expectations, turn it around and [00:17:00] reframe it as a learning experience. It's not a failure. It's something we learn from. And because of that, it is a positive. Speaking of learning, keep learning. Have a growth mindset. Understand that we as human beings can change if we have a fixed mindset and think I am who I am That's not gonna help anyone in your life.

[00:17:19] James: That means you are going to be stuck as who you are You're not gonna grow. You're not gonna learn but if you have a growth mindset You can do pretty much everything there was a time when I thought I would never be a pilot because honestly I was scared of it. I was unsure that I wanted to be a pilot.

[00:17:39] James: In fact, I said, I never want to be a pilot. I will never get in a small plane. Well, here I am about four or five years later, and I have over 50 flights logged in Cessnas and Piper aircraft. Small two and four seaters. And you know what? I love it. I feel perfectly safe, I recognize the hazards, I recognize the risks, and I do everything within my power to [00:18:00] mitigate those.

[00:18:00] James: And I'm not afraid of it anymore. In fact, when I started training, I wasn't afraid of it then. Were there times when I got scared? Yeah, it's happened a couple times. Very rarely, thankfully. And because of my training, I was able to handle it. I recognized that this is within my power to handle. If I had the victim mentality of, Oh no, this part broke.

[00:18:20] James: Oh no, we're gonna crash. Well, I probably wouldn't be sitting here right now, but I didn't have that victim mentality. I said, this is what's going on. This is the proper action to take. Therefore, I'm going to take this action and I landed that plane and I was fine. It's so incredibly important to recognize what you can do and what you can learn to better handle situations as a pilot.

[00:18:42] James: I have my license, but I still spend time every single week. Learning about the mistakes that other pilots have made So I don't make those same mistakes in the future having the growth mindset of I'm going to learn to become a better human being I'm going to learn about how the brain works.

[00:18:59] James: Let's be [00:19:00] realistic here. A lot of musicians have ADHD. I'm going to learn about ADHD so I can better understand the people I work with You can do all of these things as well. Just go out there and decide. Choose to learn. And have that growth mindset that you as a person can become a better person.

[00:19:16] James: You are not stuck where you are in life. You can go out there and improve upon yourself. And opportunities will come to you from that. I can almost guarantee it. Now again, highlight your past achievements. Don't be shy about it. Recognize the things that you have accomplished.

[00:19:31] James: You did those things, so why can't you do new things too? It's incredible what you can achieve when you have a positive outlook. And last but definitely not least, be nice to yourself. it's tough when something doesn't go the way we want it to go. It's incredibly, incredibly difficult, and it can be a huge punch to the gut.

[00:19:48] James: But look at it and say, look at all the hard work I put in. That was amazing, and I can do that again with a different strategy for a different outcome. And it's not going to change overnight, if you have a [00:20:00] victim mentality. It's going to take a while to unlearn that. Recognizing it and working towards it is going to unlock doors for you. Same goes if you know somebody who has this mindset. If you can help them move away from victim mentality. it is going to positively impact their life in so many ways. And with any luck, they'll be incredibly thankful to you.

[00:20:18] James: I would hope they are. Now let's talk about benefits of having a healthy mentality, specifically for musicians. You'll have a lot more resilience. If something goes wrong, you're going to have a better ability to bounce back from whatever goes wrong, Maybe you don't get a soundcheck because the headliner showed up late and ate up your soundcheck time.

[00:20:35] James: Oh well, who cares? We're still going to sound great. It's not, oh man, we didn't get our soundcheck because those assholes were late, blah blah blah, it's Okay, cool, we'll still do our best to sound good. You'll also be able to stay motivated more during times that are perhaps challenging. So using that same example, The positive attitude, you'll stay motivated.

[00:20:52] James: And because of that, you're gonna play a better set. Because you're not just down in the dumps moping around about not having a soundcheck. You're able to say, hey, [00:21:00] you know, that sucked, but guess what? We're still gonna do a great set and people are gonna love it. And you keep that motivation up. Same thing with improved relationships.

[00:21:09] James: You'll be able to better communicate and collaborate with people in your band, producers, or anyone else in the industry. If you aren't always complaining, if you aren't always whining, having that positive outlook rather than a victim mentality is going to be such a huge change for you. Your relationships are going to improve.

[00:21:27] James: I can speak to this first hand because as much as it sucks to say this, there are people that I have cut out of my life because they have a victim mentality. Because I tried to help them through it and they didn't want to learn that. They didn't want to change. I made the choice that I'm not going to interact with this person anymore.

[00:21:44] James: And I feel bad about it, but I don't want to be friends at this point in my life with anyone who does not have a growth mindset. And I'm incredibly happy to say that pretty much everyone in my life right now has a similar mindset about, hey, we're going to learn about. How humans interact, how we work, how our [00:22:00] brains work, all this kind of stuff is incredibly important And it's really something that they should teach in school.

[00:22:05] James: Now, I was homeschooled until college, but I took psychology We didn't talk about this in psychology class I wish we had! This would have been such good information to have ten years ago But I'm learning it now and that's why a growth mindset is so important. That's why a victim mentality is so detrimental Because if people just say, Oh, well, life sucks.

[00:22:24] James: This happens to me. They're not going to get better. improved relationships also mean gaining more respect from others in the industry and getting recognized by people in the industry for your positive attitude. It also means better decision making.

[00:22:35] James: You can make informed decisions for your career if you understand that you have control over the outcomes, you'll also be less impulsive and more strategic, which is incredibly important because the music industry is really a giant game of chess. You have to be incredibly strategic about it.

[00:22:50] James: You'll also have less mental clutter, which means you can be a better creative. You can write better songs. You can focus more on your music and you can translate your positive experiences and [00:23:00] your personal growth into art rather than just the sad and depressing stuff. And there's absolutely a time and place for sad, depressing music.

[00:23:07] James: If it's all about the little things, people are going to see through that. And understand that you're just a whiner, you're just complaining for the sake of complaining. It's not actually that your life is bad, it's that your mentality is negative. And last but not least, career growth. You will have so many more opportunities for collaborations and working with other people in the industry.

[00:23:28] James: If you're fun to hang out with, if you're not constantly whining or constantly complaining. plus you'll be able to reach a wider audience and hit new milestones if you have that positive outlook. So having the victim mindset and shifting that over to one of empowerment where you say, I have control over this.

[00:23:47] James: I can change this. It's not just going to change your music career. It's going to change your life. For the positive in so many different ways So while we can't always control the cards that were [00:24:00] dealt we control how we respond if you maintain a positive Mindset if you ditch the victim mentality You will see that the world becomes a much brighter place with a hopeful future And there's so many things that are messed up in this world Why do we want to focus on the little things that really, in the big picture, don't matter?

[00:24:18] James: Stop letting those little things get us down. Be open to growth. Be open to learning. And go out there and just do the best you can and understand that there's always something we can do. There's something we can do to improve ourselves, there's something we can do to improve a situation, and there is something that we can do to get out there and make the best music possible for our fans.

[00:24:40] James: Now, before I go, I just want to say one more time, I'm not a mental health professional. I'm happy to chat with you if you want to talk about How you can change your mindset or get rid of the victim mentality. James at bandhive. rocks is my email But if you are struggling if you're in crisis, please contact a therapist contact a counselor or [00:25:00] Contact the emergency physicians if you need to contact 911 or whatever equivalent is in your country and reach out and get the help you need If that's the point you're at, which I sincerely hope you're not, but if that's the point you're at, Get the help that you need. Thank you for listening. I appreciate it. And of course, we always welcome anyone with arms wide open to our Bandhive community, which you can find at bandhive. rocks slash group. that'll send you to the Facebook group directly, or you can search for Bandhive, that's B A N D H I V E on Facebook and look for our group and join us there.

[00:25:32] James: We'll have a discussion thread for this episode and I'm really curious to see what the reactions are for this episode because I know a lot of people struggle with victim mentality and it's not something to be taken in a light manner. It's something that's really serious.

[00:25:46] James: So I'm very curious to see how that discussion goes. I know it's going to be a positive outcome for many people. I think that some people might also dip out of the group because of this. So we'll see. Anyway, bandhive. rocks slash group or head on [00:26:00] over to Facebook and search for Bandhive.

[00:26:01] James: Thanks so much for listening. We'll be back next Tuesday with another brand new episode of the Bandhive Podcast right here in your favorite podcast app. Until then, have a great week. Stay safe. And of course, as always, keep rockin Rock a chop, zucks.